Drunk Dialed

Phone ringing while I’m out and about
I think there must be some tragedy
For in all these years of knowing you
You have never once called me

So I get home and rush through dinner
Making sure to call you back
You sound cheery, a bit too much
And then you start to yack

I ask you how you’re doing
You giggle like a child
You tell me all about Jell-o
And how it's just so wild

You talk about the economy
How you could solve it all
How if everyone had listened to you
There never would have been a fall

You tell me that you have a friend
His name is Mr. Grey Goose
And then I start to realize
That you’re drunk off your caboose

Then I know that I am stuck
Talking to your drunk ass
Because you never even stop to breathe
Much less give me room to sass

My mind wanders and I think
How can I get out of this?
How can I say I have to go
And not dent your drunken bliss?

I think about just hanging up
Just saying that my phone died
You probably won’t remember later
You’d totally let that slide

But then I catch a break
When you sound a little bit odd
And I know that you are
Bowing down to the porcelain god

So I’m sorry for your misfortune
And I didn’t mean to flee
I only feel a little bad
That your vomiting set me free